Transitional Fossil

" The question isn't "who is going to let me"; it's "who is going to stop me".
Ayn Rand, The Fountainhead

Friday, January 20, 2006

Got Runover By the Bandwagon

Many people these days are doing this wonderful thing which I will now coin as "statue liberation". This is when someone "liberates" a pink flamingo, garden gnome or rubber duck from someone else's property, takes it around the world and posts pictures of it in various locales. This is also known as the Traveling Gnome Prank (see also Wikipedia). One can even purchase or "adopt" a gnome at It depends on how much of a degenerate want to be.

The first official cultural hemmeroid involving inanimate plastic toys which aren't kept under your girlfriend's bed, was some marketing schmuck declaring in a metrosexual, baritone voice,"Ya know, I bet we could make this zany campaign where we take a gnome around the world and make it, like, you know, a mascot." (see Travelocity) They thought it was such a good idea that they would include merchandising. Although statistically, thongs are the best kind of marketing. Even nuns wear thongs, stats don't lie.

The next hurdle in this stunted evolution would be when someone thought it would be cool to take a Stabucks' barista doll and anthropormorphasize it with a diary (see People With Too Much Time on Their Hands). I wish there was an entry where it would have a severe mishap with fireworks leaving a gooey pancake batter-like substance. Or perhaps while shopping for some shoes it would wander into an artillary range. It could then write entries from the afterlife. The diary would then be subject to relgiious and political criticism, thereby pressuring the writer to STOP WRITING!!

The next pimple in the our culture's forehead to merit attention due to eminent bursting are stuffed animals that are "alive". Like my friend, Calzone. Though hysterical, ghetto, and with possibly gay tendencies, I wound up believing in dragons and get all choked up with this one fakes his own death. [see link on the right]

Why am I bringing this up?? Well, I thought, why not try it?? So I got a Happy Meal and received an Edmund action figure from The Chronicles of Narnia (see Christian Flicks With Centaurs Not Christ). Thinking this will be an enlightening experience, I take some pictures and leave it alone to go take a shower. Little did I realize the danger...

Aparently Plastic Boy took my credit card and got Aerosmith/Lenny Kravitz tix for himself and 5 of his friends!! I find this picture along with a note threatening me that if I go to the cops his Uncle Chucky will come looking for me.

What's the moral, kids?? Jenna Elfman may be a nutbag, but she has a point about the souls of aliens coming down to possess us and our toys!! Forewarned is forearmed. Be aware!!

Until then, Good Night and Good Luck!!


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