Transitional Fossil

" The question isn't "who is going to let me"; it's "who is going to stop me".
Ayn Rand, The Fountainhead

Sunday, February 25, 2007


[Pilfered Pic]
I, need, my, pain.


In my present physical state I have been suffering from a cold/flu/stomach virus. My cyclic energy level has forced me onto a regimen of powdered, organic energy drink and one serving of coconut juice with chunks. This is taken every morning and early evening. It allows the completion of all tasks before collapsing into exhaustion. Recycling the process occurs the following day. Tertiary benefits are clearer skin and colon and a tolerance for sharp citrus tastes. Ultimately, I have never gone to the bathroom this much in my whole life.

Things are shifting on a mental and emotional level. I have been able to parry stress more effectively. Yet in isolated instances demanding and even controlling outbursts occur. These seemingly surfacing reflections of past pain enter certain situations. My thought process reflects rising expectations of responsibility, and thus I thrust additional tasks on others. It is not delegation, more in the vein of creation, mirroring my perceived load. Ante up, so to speak.

Upon further reflection I find it's the "that's-not-fair" pain. Well, if you expect A,B, & C from me, then I will expect the same from you. Which on paper, screen, or in the executable programming in my head, sounds pretty logical. Dialogue repels from this pain of injustice and creates the need elements of perceived control.

But what purpose does it serve now?? Certainly people are not united in the same constraints or moral measures. Attempts to control foster resentment and rebellion rather than synergistic motion. This need to illuminate "the better way" is spawned from helplessness and pain. Conversely, the sum of a person can be measured by their knowledge and experience. The question to ask is should the pain be the reason for the action.

Various teachings point out that what we expect to happen will happen. If we expect suffering, so shall we receive it. It is the manner is which we deal with suffering that ultimately determines the outcome. An outlook of success in the face of suffering will result in success. Again, returning to the maxims:

Everything happens for a reason
We put this in front of us
This is what is supposed to happen

Letting go of age old pain, unplugging the buttons installed by others in our phyche is a tedious process. Allbeit painful.


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