Transitional Fossil

" The question isn't "who is going to let me"; it's "who is going to stop me".
Ayn Rand, The Fountainhead

Tuesday, September 19, 2006

Folded Rhombus

Fr. J:

Thanks for the prompt reply. Yea, not too sure what I am doing right now. There are even some Kabbalah forces in my life which keep resurfacing. For the moment I am letting things with respect to my spiritual life be.

Had a revelation this morning as to what role my request played in. Whether I can do anything to avoid it and remove the obstacle, only Her Reserved Majesty Time shall whisper when she's good and ready.

I guess I am tired, somewhat, of searching. I have been searching for a long time. I have encountered many things and many traditions and alot of bullshit. I suppose man's search to get closer to deity has been as ongoing as his existence when all along deity resides within.

A friend of mine made an observation recently that I wasn't having any fun with my spirituality and that really bothered me b/c he's right. My coven back east used to really celebrate the holidays and embrace the need for joy and solemnity. But these are things which, I see, I have not pursued in my life spiritually. Perhaps still is something I have yet to bring back. Seems so simple and yet not at the same time. But these are my obstacles to overcome and shall.

On the way back from the Ocktoberfest this weekend, after a heated phone conversation with a loved one, my brain entered a simple question about my existence-
"What are you waiting for??"

Don't know where it came from but it seem to ring true for me at that very moment. Action instead of meditation would be most prudent I suppose.

yt -

Playlist for today:

Ring of Fire, Social Distortion
Laudate Dominium, Vesperae solennes de Confessore, K339, Mozart
Hash Pipe, Weezer
Hour of Zero, My Life with the Thrill Kill Kult
Jump 'n Shout, Basement Jaxx
Mamushka, The Addams Family


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